Cheeky horoscopes
December 20, 2019
Your freezer breaks and all your ice cream melts. Forget the ice cream and yell at your freezer for breaking down. Inspired by your pep talk, your freezer begins running again. Literally. After a few laps around your house, your creamy dessert is saved! You take your mildly-melted d...
Forbidden fables
Sonya Sheptunov and Kellen Hoard
December 20, 2019
Here comes Santa Claus, right down...a communist lane? He takes from the rich and gives to the needy in honor of Karl Marx. The Yuletide man dressed from head to toe in red fulfills his duty to the motherland— lucky for him, going down chimneys on Christmas is the perfect disguise for a Communist s...
Cheeky Thanksgiving pranks
November 22, 2019
Fixing the pumpkin pie It’s time for a change — the age-old mix of pumpkin pie isn’t working for us anymore. With winter coming, the cold is becoming too much to bear. What you need is some extra ingredients to really heat things up! Be sure not to skimp out on the crucial spices such as cayenn...
Cheeky’s franken-recipes
November 22, 2019
Disclaimer: This article is purely satire. For best results, complete all recipes at once. We at Cheeky are sorry if the recipe becomes poisonous....
Cheeky Halloween origami
Naomi Nam, Reporter
October 25, 2019
Having trouble deciding what to be for Halloween? Take a risk with a magical fortune teller to reveal your fate: are you more likely to be zombie student insomniac or a makeup perfectionist banshee? ...
Inventions nobody needs
Mia Tavares, Reporter
October 25, 2019
Cyber Calhoun No security can beat C.A.L.H.O.U.N. Let's take this elite force onto the internet and make crippling and preventable hacks a thing of the past. This unit will ensure no hackers park in your cyber spot. ...
DECLASSIFIED: Cheeky’s top-secret back-to-school survival checklist
Aditi Jain, Sonya Sheptunov, and Rahima Baluch
September 7, 2019
Experience extreme senioritis, regardless of whether or not you’re a senior. If you play your cards right, it should hit the first day of freshman year. Sign a dance contract for Homecoming because otherwise, once you start dancing you legally can’t stop. You’ll be dancing your way to a court...
DIY Prom: Cheeky Style
Rachel Lawson and Minita Layal
May 18, 2019
Disclaimer: This article is purely satire. If you even considered for a split second that this advice was worth taking, there is a 99% chance that you are without a date and will kindly refrain from filling out the heads. We at Cheeky are sorry....
#VOTECHEEKY2020
April 19, 2019
Meet Chadwick (Chad) Hometown: Beige, Wyoming Current Occupation: Influencer. That’s right, he spreads the flu. What a sick dude. Political alignment: A member of the Green-Tea Party, which doubles as a book club on Tuesdays. Qualifications - Mayor of his town on Club Penguin - Met Obama’s cou...
Cheeky Alpha: Puzzle Page
Miles Gelatt and Olivia Sasson
March 7, 2019
Disclaimer: Nordic does not condone sleep deprivation and in fact recommends full winter hibernation. The collective hive-mind that is Cheeky is very tired and hope Scandia knows we love them #plsloveustoowe’relonely. We at Cheeky are sorry.
“Need a little spooky action?”
Carina Bixby, Cami Brix, and Rachel Lawson
October 31, 2018
Are you overcome with schoolwork or other human obligations, but you need a little Halloween hit? Look no further, for Cheeky knows how you can spook up your daily routine. Happy hunting! • We would suggest that you cut holes in your sheets but we all know you’ve already been ghosted enough this...
Letter to the editor: dinosaur cheeky nuggets?
Audri Saulters and Sonya Sheptunov
October 17, 2018
Letter to the editor, While I understand that a letter to the editor has certain conventions, I will absolutely disregard them for the sake of this response. The paper is intended to address the lives and needs of the students. Students always complain about being unhappy or stressed. I have a si...
Rory Knettles, A&E Editor
January 14, 2020
The Valhalla players are back and better than ever on January 24* when they face the challenge of combining some of the Brothers Grimm originals into one big spectacle. They...
