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The student news site of Inglemoor High School

Nordic News

The student news site of Inglemoor High School

Nordic News

Complications of cosmetic consumerism

Cheeky: Planetarium Investigation Files

The planetarium between the 700 and 800 buildings on Inglemoor’s campus has remained a mystery to most students. Why does it seem like nobody has been inside? What is the astronomy class hiding? Amid these curiosities, we have created a mind blowing conspiracy theory about the planetarium. To satisfy the curiosity of the in-the-dark student, we have also compiled a comprehensive guide to uncovering the secrets of the planetarium, so you can prove our theory true.
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Jana Dimikj and Kellen Hoard
Cheeky: Planetarium Investigation Files. Art by Jana Dimikj and Kellen Hoard.

What’s the story behind the planetarium?

We at Cheeky have done some research on  the Inglemoor planetarium. The information we gathered was slightly suspicious, so we have compiled  a conspiracy theory that we feel best explains the mystery of the planetarium. While the history of the planetarium remains a mystery, we know it was built during the 1960s during the Space Race. The US government  decided during this time that high school students in Kenmore had to be ahead of the intimidating professional Russian scientists for some reason (nationalism).

However, our planetarium is special. The planetarium was built in the 60s, and between its construction and his death in 1963, John F. Kennedy visited Washington twice. He obviously visited the infamous Inglemoor High School planetarium. We can infer that whatever he saw inside was very dangerous and important.  Why else would he visit twice?  What did he find there?  The planetarium and the members of the astronomy class may hold the answers, but they are infamously elusive. Therefore, we have created a handy, very realistic guide to entering the planetarium alone, so you can find out the secret yourself and report it back, because yes, besides the fake astronomy class, that is the only way.

 

A guide to sneakily entering the planetarium:

Have you ever been curious about the secret of the planetarium? Supposedly, the only way to get in is to take an astronomy class, but we at Cheeky have concluded that this is  not a real class. As such, we’ve created a very legal guide on how to safely enter the planetarium without getting caught, so you can see the stars (and whatever else might be hidden inside) without facing the consequences.

  • Disguise yourself

Time to grab your very handy invisibility cloak, a fashion staple! But if you by any rare chance don’t own one, deck out in your solar system fan merchandise like galaxy print pants and a shirt with a tacky astronomy pun; this is what we call the Astronomy Student Master Disguise.

  • Acquire keys

Unfortunately you will need the keys to the planetarium to get in. Politely ask the janitor or astronomy teacher (if they’re real) for permission to go in. If by any chance you can’t, wait until you find the janitor in a deep slumber with a giant ring of keys (like in the very realistic high school movies) and telekinetically levitate them into your hand.

  • Victory 

Once you’ve made it inside, take the opportunity to investigate the phenomenal hidden secret that’s inside, if any. Honestly it could be an average planetarium, but that would be disappointing. Let us know what you find!

 

Disclaimer: We at Cheeky do not condone breaking in or stealing, but if you for some reason cannot return the keys, turn them into a necklace for a stylish DIY project and a portable award for your achievement.

And, if you do ever find out the secret of the planetarium, we at Cheeky will deny any involvement, and will not be responsible for your safety or legal troubles with the US government.

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About the Contributors
Jana Dimikj, Feature Editor
Senior Jana Dimikj is the Feature Editor on the Nordic News staff for the 2021-2022 school year. Her goal for Nordic this year is to create engaging and relevant content that students will enjoy reading. She hopes to make Nordic a bigger part of the Inglemoor experience and spread the news to every student. Outside of Nordic, she partakes in a few clubs and enjoys playing guitar and painting.
Kellen Hoard, Co-Editor-in-Chief
Senior Kellen Hoard is the Co-Editor-in-Chief of Nordic News this year, and is thrilled to be able to share hopefully somewhat intelligent writing with Inglemoor students about topics they may or may not have previously considered. His main goal for the year will be to convince the newspaper to use the Oxford comma. Outside of Nordic, Kellen is involved in politics, numismatics, Model UN, and choir. He is particularly passionate about Welch’s fruit snacks.  

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Cheeky: Planetarium Investigation Files