Yes Please, Jon Ossoff

Why John Ossoff is about to be the best looking person in the capitol

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Kellen Hoard

My love for him, illustrated. Art by Kellen Hoard.

Kellen Hoard, Opinion Editor

 

Author’s Note: I was given quite a bit of leeway in terms of topics when I was assigned this piece by the editors, with the only instruction being that I had to write about a non-serious opinion. I chose to write about why Jon Ossoff is incredibly hot, which they thought fit the instruction. Little did they know that I’m completely serious. Deadly serious. 

 

Jon Ossoff is hot. There’s no getting around it. Now that the newly elected senator from Georgia has been officially sworn in, he has taken the mantle of hottest member of Congress from Illinois Rep. Adam Kinzinger, and enthusiasts of attractive Jewish men everywhere will celebrate. Even though I am straight, I assert that I can recognize and appreciate a good-looking man when I see one. Ossoff undoubtedly fits that description. 

Ossoff’s hotness is built on the foundation of his looks. If I saw him walking through the halls of the Capitol, I would definitely stop and stare at his perfectly messy brown hair, more than decent jawline, and brown eyes that pierce your soul. The average senator is 61 years old, but Ossoff, just 33, still has a youthful glow that stands out against all the senior citizens who run our country.  

However, his hotness extends beyond just physical looks; Ossoff’s personality brings him up to that next level. His policies are spot on. Do you love your grandmother? Jon Ossoff loves grandmas, too; in fact, he wants to solve COVID-19 and build new highways so you can go visit yours. That’s hot. He’s smart, he sings well (Google “Jon Ossoff a capella”), he dresses nicely, and he is legitimately good at and funny on Twitter and TikTok.

Detractors argue he is not that hot relative to some other politicians. They argue that Justin Trudeau or young Joe Biden is significantly more attractive. In conversations on this subject with my mother, she even suggested Pete Buttigieg was better looking! I disagree with comparisons to these three people. In any fair contest, foreign citizens must be excluded, as they do not have to deal with the stress that is being an American in 2021 and therefore are not experiencing the same physical toll. Politicians in the past must also be excluded for the same reason as above. Finally, I would argue for no reason I can articulate that any Transportation Secretary (or nominee, in the case of Pete Buttigieg), is disqualified by nature of the job.  

There is a wide world of genuinely disconcerting Ossoff fanfictions, Instagram fan accounts, and devoted Pinterest boards which support my position. But I would recommend simply getting back to the basics: he’s good looking, has an excellent baritone voice and supports women having control over their own bodies. What more could you want? Jon Ossoff is hot.