Cheeky Finals Guide

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Jana Dimikj

Cheeky knows and understands your struggles with final tests. Follow these reputable tips from this reputable source to succeed.

Jana Dimikj, Feature Editor

We at Cheeky know your finals are stressing you out. But the more stressed you are, the less you will be able to appreciate our unparalleled and incredible humor. Therefore, in our humility and generosity, we, our humble and generous selves, will provide you with the knowledge to ace your tests. If you follow these nifty tips, you’ll pass with flying colors — it’s a certified Cheeky guarantee. Skip the stinky studying — the unnecessary blood, sweat and tears — and listen to Cheeky’s advice instead, board the journey toward ultimate success and even meeting the Finals Fairies.

1. Wear your lucky pair of undies

It’s okay if you haven’t washed them in a week. It’s okay if they’ll stink up the entire room. It’s okay — they’ll get you an A++. Superstitions always work, so there really isn’t a reason for you to wash off your lucky skid marks. But remember to never wipe; otherwise the trick won’t work.

 2. Bring a pencil (LOL)

You will not be able to do your test without a pencil. Obviously. However the standard #2 pencils are a SCAM; Do not fall for it! Instead, bring your comically large pencil. You’ll not only be the coolest kid in the classroom, but your writing sure will stand out. Remember to always write in Comic Sans only or else you’ll fail.

 3. Write the answers on your arms

This is totally discrete, and you will definitely get away with it! Remember, cheating is only wrong if you’re caught, so please don’t get caught. Always practice safe… cheating, xoxo Cheeky <3

4. Bring whiteout

You could use it to erase your mistakes, but the real reason you need to bring it is to block out the questions you can’t answer. If they’re not there, they’re not real. You’ll absolutely be absolutely getting 100% on those questions, since now all of them are answerable. Look at you go, knowing every answer.

5. Fall asleep during your test

Hear us out on this one. If you fall asleep in the middle of the test, you might have a wild, lit, crazy movie dream. Maybe in your dream, one of the Finals Fairies will make contact with you and tell you all the right answers, and when you wake up, you’ll be a new, super smart and awesome and cool and great person.

6. Sacrifice your brother’s hamster

Just in case tip #5 fails, there is a backup plan. Just sacrifice a small animal to the Finals Fairies; but make sure you follow the ritual, you know with the ring of fire and piss potion. It helps if the critter has emotional value to someone else, like your sibling’s pet, the fairies will help you more since they feed on pain.

7. Unleash your inner rebel

Plan a boycott. If none of your classmates show up to the test, it will probably be canceled. Therefore you will have completely cracked the system and won’t even have to take the test. Take a stand AGAINST society. Tests are pointless. Fail. We live on a floating rock. Nothing matters. Don’t turn in your assignments. YOLO.

 

Disclaimer: We at Cheeky do not endorse the slaughter of innocent pets, illegal activities or bad hygiene. If you choose to follow these tips, you will be facing the consequences, and Cheeky will not take any of the blame. These tips will help you kill the test, and not in a good way. Don’t say we never did anything for you, be grateful we even spent time on this for you.