Cheeky ways to save your eyes


Mia Tavares

Art by Mia Tavares.

Mia Tavares, Design Editor

Being on Zoom all day is bad for your eyes, head, internet, patience and grades— but mainly your eyes. Here at Cheeky, we value your eyes— no seriously, they are worth over $1500 on the black market. We understand you might want to verify this— but don’t— it will ruin your search history. But even if they were worth less than a penny, we would still want to help you save them as you’ll probably end up needing them at one point or another.

(Disclaimer: Nobody at Cheeky is an optometrist, and therefore, we cannot confirm nor deny this statement). Without further ado, or consultation of optometrists, here is Cheeky’s step-by-step guide to preserving your eyes.

  1. Preserve them in fluids. They may be worth $1500 fresh, but who knows after a couple of d- oh… not this type of preservation.   


Cheeky’s guide to SAVING your eyes. 


  1. Close them:

 Cheeky is all about simple solutions to complex problems. Your eyes are bothering you? Just close them. Zoom meetings can drain you and eventually your eyes have just had enough. If you close your eyes, not only will the ache fade, but you can also pretend that you are back in class instead of at home— all alone. 36 times out of 47, the problem is solved by closing your eyes just like that. It’s like Helen Keller always suggests, out of sight out of mind. Granted, you can’t see your eye pain, but here at Cheeky, we never quite grasped metaphors.

       2. Glasses:

We do recognize that not everyone can simply close their eyes, so we’ve generously come up with another resolution. Throw on a pair of glasses (sun, swim, prescription, the options are endless). With this choice, you can block out the sun, water, or even the haters— nothing can touch you while you’re wearing glasses, and that’s a fact. 

       3. Watch Twilight:

If all else fails and you’re looking for that Hail Mary foolproof tactic, look no further than the “Twilight” series. If your eyes are beyond the point of no return, the only thing capable of bringing them back is the cinematic masterpiece, “Twilight.” Watching the pure magic of “Twilight” has restorative properties. Just like how all of the characters have been brought back from the dead, your eyes will be brought back to their full ability. For a bonus, make sure to watch “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.” Not only will your eyes benefit from the magic of the Twilight Saga, but it’s also an eclipse, so when Edward steals the sun and eats Bella (we don’t know we’ve never seen it), the darkness he creates will no doubt help your eyes.