Breaking News
  • February 5Purchase IHS Improv tickets! Second performance is Feb. 9 at 7 p.m. in the Little Theatre!
  • February 5Congratulations Nathan Choy and Franklyn Xue for qualifying for the American Invitational Mathematics Examination!
  • November 16Congratulations to “Murder on the Nile” for ranking first place in every category in the Seattle Repertory Theatre’s adjudication program!
  • November 16Congratulations to all our National Merit semi-finalists!
The student news site of Inglemoor High School

Nordic News

The student news site of Inglemoor High School

Nordic News

The student news site of Inglemoor High School

Nordic News

Applying some Cheek to college

Ahh, early onset senioritis is in the air, and it’s making your motivation to start college apps plummet into the abyss of Netflix and Cheeto fingers. No need to worry, because Cheeky has curated a special guide, a 100% proven guarantee*, to get you into the college of your dreams.

Where to apply

The factors below are important to keep in mind when crafting your list of academic institutions to spend your life, healthy habits and entire savings at.


Rachel Lawson

Consider cool and open spaces to learn – like glaciers. But apply quickly, because the housing market (among other things) is heating up at an alarming rate.


Unless your family owns a couple gold mines or you have a keen knack for laundering money, be prepared to break out that TI-83 and into a sweat. We at Cheeky recommend putting off this thought until the IRS knocks at (and/or down) your door.

Area of Study

You should be applying to schools that help you pursue your true passions. If you enjoy listening to old goat sounds, looking aimlessly at memes on your phone and avoiding physical activity, congrats! These are signs of a genius – YALE WANTS YOU.

Trouble finding a field to go into? Cheeky has you covered! Here are some hobbies you can turn into careers:

• Doodling in your math journal → Art

• Cleaning up after yourself in the cafeteria → Human Rights

• Seen a single episode of “Grey’s Anatomy” → Medical Research

• Is the kid everyone looks at when PowerPoint is down → Computer Science

• Waking up on time → You don’t need to go to college – you’ve peaked.

Ultimately, many students find the University of Washington to be a local reputable school. You can arrive there via bandwagon!

How to apply

The college essay is a student’s opportunity to share their story and personify their report card and test scores into a real, frankly boring, person! For many of you, you’ll feel obligated to downplay a relatively privileged life to make it sound like you actually struggled. Cheeky does not recommend this, but knowing we can’t stop you, here are some example sob stories that college admissions officers won’t be able to look past:

• The school wifi doesn’t connect to your phone? You, likely a Generation Z kid, can use the power of hyperbole to weave that minor inconvenience into a whole tapestry of anguish.

• Couldn’t get a breakthrough rapping on SoundCloud? Colleges feel you and your sick beats.

• Raised your hand for a high five and was left hanging? Write an essay about your life of rejection and solitude.

• Your favorite movie streaming service won’t let you keep making fake emails for the free trial? This profit-maximizing scheme has stripped you and your fellow students of free will! Write an essay demanding a revolution, and it’s guaranteed that the college of your choice will sympathize.

*Disclaimer: Cheeky has successfully helped admit a reader into a school of magicianry at the local community rec center. If you’re here for actual college advice, we recommend the college counseling legend Mary Buckner herself. Or perhaps a friendly neighborhood scholar. We at Cheeky are sorry and in much future college debt.

Leave a Comment
More to Discover
About the Contributors
Rachel Lawson, Managing/News Editor
Senior Rachel Lawson is the Managing and News Editor of Nordic News for the 2018-2019 school year. Rachel aims to keep her peers up to date about the world around them, from national to local news. Her goal this year is to branch out and connect with the school population and make individuals feel a part of the Viking family! Outside of Nordic, Rachel considers herself a jack of all trades. She enjoys practicing everything from art to science, as long as she can continue to learn in the process. She also regards herself as a Son of the Law, but will not be pursuing a legislative career. Further questions can be directed towards the hoards of bees that are her bodyguards.
Olivia Sasson, A&E Editor
Senior Olivia Sasson is the Arts and Entertainment Editor of Nordic News for the 2018-2019 school year. Her goal is to highlight the hard work of artists and entertainers throughout Inglemoor and beyond. This year she hopes to do her part in order to provide engaging, relevant and important content, both within her section and the entire publication. Outside of Nordic, Olivia is a full IB student, Speech Caption of the Speech and Debate team and a member of She’s the First and Girls Who Code. In her free time, she enjoys building trials for the Washington Trails Association, kickboxing and libraries.
Audri Saulters, Cheeky Editor
Audri Saulters Coach is the designated kazooist of Nordic News for the 2018-2019 school year. Her goal is to fully master the instrument, play at Carnegie Hall, and eventually get all three of her albums Bzzt Bzzt, BZZZZZZ!, and Solitude certified platinum. In her spare time, she likes to edit Nordic’s Cheeky section and collapse under the crushing weight of IB. She’s also a staff and secretariat member of five Model UN conferences this year and cannot physically stop talking about them.

Comments (0)

Please leave your name and email when commenting. Harmful or spam comments will be removed. Visit the comments policy tab for more info.
All Nordic News Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Activate Search
Applying some Cheek to college