Nordic News

  • Good luck to everyone taking IB and AP exams from May 6 to 24!

  • Senior Prom on May 18 at the Museum of Pop Culture

  • Improv Exhibition on May 24 from 7 to 9:30 p.m.

  • No school on May 27

  • IB Recognition Ceremony on May 30

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Meet Chadwick (Chad)

Hometown: Beige, Wyoming

Current Occupation: Influencer. That’s right, he spreads the flu. What a sick dude.

Political alignment: A member of the Green-Tea Party, which doubles as a book club on Tuesdays.

Qualifications

– Mayor of his town on Club Penguin

– Met Obama’s cousin at a grocery store

– Winner of several participation awards

– On a first name basis with important civil servants (i.e. the mailman)

Stances

Guns: When asked this question, Chad flexed his very prominent muscles, and said, “you can’t ban these bad boys,” before walking away.

Climate change: The entire United States military budget will go into air conditioners to independently cool the Earth down.

Immigration: While the debate continues about the wall on the US-Mexico border, Chad would like to direct the conversation toward the US-Canada border, as the recent influx of northern geese during the warm spring season has made his weekends at the park quite unsatisfactory. Chad is anti-geese. He has yet to comment on ducks and other waterfowl.

Campaign Finances: Chad refuses to believe in the concept of money. Once elected, Chad vows to return the United States to a trade and barter system. Chad’s campaign is also entirely funded by donations from Chad’s mom.

Disclaimer: This article is purely satire. Be advised that your vote will do nothing to either secure or prevent the election of Chad. He cannot be stopped. We at Cheeky are sorry.

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About the Contributors
Evelynn Li, Business Manager

Senior Evelynn Li is the Business Manager and a reporter of Nordic News for the 2018-2019 school year. For this year, she hopes that she can help create...

Audri Saulters, Cheeky Editor

Audri Saulters Coach is the designated kazooist of Nordic News for the 2018-2019 school year. Her goal is to fully master the instrument, play at Carnegie...

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