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Fantasy football is an online game in which the players act as owners and general managers of virtual NFL teams. In anticipation of each season, many fans participate in an annual fantasy football draft. Each manager in a league of eight to 16 friends takes turns selecting their favorite football players in each position from any professional team. For each game throughout the year, every player is assigned a point value for their statistical performance, which adds towards the fantasy team’s point total. Fantasy provides fans with another way to interact with the sport they love. Before each season, fantasy football leagues often decide on a prize for the winning manager — often a cash lump sum collected from every other manager that did not win. Traditionally, the manager in last place may also be subject to a prearranged punishment, which can range from silly and fun to cruel and unusual.
“I am not doing this again.”
Those were the words that junior Kosei Piper (he/him) muttered after completing his punishment. Before the season began, Piper’s league decided on the “milk mile” as their loser’s punishment. The milk mile involves a gallon of milk and four laps around the track. One quart is consumed before each lap until completion of the entire gallon and mile.
This year, Piper was already eliminated from contending for first place when the month-long playoffs began. He entered the consolation bracket hoping to avoid last place and the associated punishment. Sadly for him, his team struggled to score throughout those weeks.
“Honestly, I didn’t think I would lose until the very last week,” Piper said. “I actually finished fourth to last in the rankings, but in the playoffs, I just did so horrible that I dropped down and then ended up in last place.”
There are possible health risks associated with this challenge. Most obviously, the human stomach can only hold, on average, half a gallon of liquid. When attempting a milk mile, vomiting is expected and nearly guaranteed.
“I was just hoping I would vomit, because you just feel so much better after vomiting,” Piper said after completing the challenge. “The worst part is when you’re on the verge of vomiting, when it’s all still in you.”
Although Piper said that the vomit is disgusting, keeping all of the dairy in his stomach may have resulted in more unfavorable issues instead, including diarrhea and other digestive issues. Avoiding risky punishments altogether might be preferable for those looking to avoid injury or illness.
As a six-year fantasy football pro, senior Gregory Rayburn (he/him) noticed discrepancies in punishments between his family’s league and his friends’ league. While the loser of his family league had to do the dishes for two weeks, losing his other league meant staying on a football field for 24 hours straight, with each mile run subtracting 30 minutes from the timer. Rayburn said his leagues look for ways to keep punishments interesting.
“Most of the time, it’s either looking online at what other people have done,” Rayburn said. “Or thinking of things that have either happened to you in the past that you want other people to do, or just thinking of the worst thing you could do to a person.”
One way to have fun in fantasy football without serious risks is to establish boundaries on a more reasonable punishment. Of course, another option is to avoid losing. To succeed in the latter, Rayburn suggested strategic selection in the draft by identifying trends over the years.
“I look at how the players are doing, whether they’re on an upward trajectory in their career, how their overall team is doing, because if their team does well, so will they,” Rayburn said. “I think players who are really active within their own team, who, no matter what, will get a lot of playing time, whether they’re doing good or bad, they’re always supported by the team.”
Despite his mile of suffering, Piper still intends to participate in fantasy football in the upcoming years. Sometimes, losing managers are offered a buyout, where they can elect to pay every other member of their league instead of doing the punishment. While Rayburn and Piper both expressed distaste for those who opt for a buyout, it is important to remember the risks that come with the punishments, even if you agreed to them beforehand.
“It was an experience, a terrible experience,” Piper said. “But I’m just glad it’s over.”
Despite how pointless and awful punishments may seem in the moment, Rayburn said it is a key part of what makes the memory of being in a fantasy league so nostalgic.
“Ultimately, I’m gonna look back on it and I’m gonna think, ‘That’s funny.’ I’m doing it for the experience,” Rayburn said. “Yeah, it’s stupid, but it’ll be something that I look back on.”
