Inquiries were submitted anonymously by Inglemoor students through a Google Form. 

As a representative of the introverted community, what are ways to be more social and talk to more people so we are not left out and forgotten? I feel like standards are very high these days, and with the current technology creating more problems, it is difficult for people to accept one another. Many of us feel that only freshmen can make new friends, as when you make your way through high school, it gets exponentially more difficult to make new friends as friend groups have been established already. Students these days need to be told more simple things rather than a long explanation of topics such as depression and mental health. Perhaps some are simply more lucky than others.

– Introverted Inquirer 

Dear Introverted Inquirer, 

A lot of us find social interactions to be a delicate balance. It’s a process that we learn and improve upon for our entire lives as our surroundings, social abilities and age dictate our social guidelines, which are constantly evolving. 

• As an introvert, it’s important to find balance. I understand the difficulty that comes with socializing; maintaining meaningful connections takes a lot of work and can quickly become overwhelming. Understanding when you need to be alone can help you socialize more meaningfully. Having other introverted friends is great because they also need to balance alone time and social time. 

• It’s never too late to make new friends. Although friend groups may seem well-established midway through freshman year, people are often more welcoming than you think. The reality of high school now is not at all like ‘80s teen movies or “Mean Girls.” It’s totally possible to find new friends at any point during your time in high school.

• Finding common interests can help you find a community. I’m sure you’ve heard this from every counselor ever, but I still urge you to join clubs and interest groups. It’s cliche because it’s true. I, like many others, found my friends this way. This applies to more than just clubs at school. The social world is much, much bigger than Inglemoor, and joining groups outside of school like a recreational sports team or a more niche art group can connect you with even more people.

• The world is a lot bigger than you think. I promise that you will find your community — it just might take some time. Right now, Inglemoor is likely the largest community you’re a part of, but it definitely won’t be that way in just a few more years. 

• Unfortunately, you can’t get along with everyone. It’s just not possible to become friends with everyone because we all have different values, experiences and expectations of friendships. That’s simply out of anyone’s control. It’s also true that you never know how the people you know now — yourself included — will change over time. Someone you would’ve never expected to get along with could become your best friend in 20 years. 

There’s no handbook on how to navigate social interactions. A lot of it is trial and error, and it starts with taking the first few steps to discover new people and communities. I’ve got faith in you!

My dad died 6 months ago, and I’ve been pretending it’s all okay since. I’ve just been pretending that he’s gone on a trip or something, but I think I’m falling apart. I missed some school both before and after break (with valid reasons), and I’m drowning in homework. I have something from every class, and they just keep piling more on top. My grades have tanked, and I’m worried I’m about to fail my tests because I just don’t understand a lot of the material. If that wasn’t enough, I feel like I’m losing all of my friends. They all have each other or their boyfriends, and I feel like I’m the last one left behind. One friend in particular is treating me in a way that feels one moment like I don’t matter to her and the next that nothing ever changed, and honestly I don’t even know how to feel. I transferred to Northshore freshman year, and I don’t have that many friends to start with, so I feel like I have so many problems and nobody to support me. I can’t relax, and sometimes I want to just stay home and rest to avoid all my problems, but then I’ll just be creating more missing assignments.

– Falling-behind fellow

Dear falling-behind fellow,

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you have a lot to handle right now, so let’s take it one step at a time. 

• Share your grief with others. I’m incredibly sorry for your loss. Grief is such a difficult and personal journey, and while sharing your grief is your choice, talking through your emotions with someone else can be healthy. If you don’t want to share with your friends, please make sure you have at least one person you can rely on. This could be a trusted friend, relative, counselor or teacher. Grief is hard to navigate alone. I know that initially reaching out can be scary, but the benefits of having a support system are going to far outweigh the fear of reaching out.

• Staying on top of schoolwork is also hard. Talk to your teachers and counselors. They are not against you and will work with you to get back on track. It can be difficult to find your new normal, and your teachers will understand that too.

• Your friends should add to your life, not take away from it. It’s sometimes difficult to gauge who we should keep in our lives, especially when we have a lot of shared history.  If attempting to communicate with her doesn’t work out, the relationship is probably not worth the effort anymore.

It takes a lot of courage to reach out, and I’m so happy that you’ve taken the first steps. We have a lot of faith in you, and you are a lot stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for.