Courtyard Bathrooms
The courtyard bathrooms are feared by many, hated by most. These stumpy structures stick out like a stinky sore thumb in the serenity of the courtyard. For those who couldn’t make it to another bathroom in time, beware of the guava-ice-flavored smog, under-the-stall test answer exchanges and heavily intoxicated flies buzzing around. This kingdom of clouds is not just noxious and sleazy, but also inadequate — the amenities are barebones and privacy is hard to find. Although most convenient, you would be wise to pass on these bathrooms.
Art Building Bathrooms
Many call it a myth, but it’s true: there’s a bathroom in the art building. Those who wish to access it must first gain entry to the art building. Cheeky recommends donning a smock and paintbrush to blend in. Next, one must navigate the labyrinth of art classrooms until they meet their final challenge: the clutter. Mountains of abandoned masterpieces and discarded dreams lay between you and your destination. You may have to shove aside a dress made of pennies, paper mache sculptures or unused spotlights before you finally reach sweet relief. To our disappointment, however, this bathroom is the definition of humble — no dragon’s horde, no sword in the stone, not even three wishes! The blank white-tiled walls are soulless, and the paper towel dispenser is stingy at best. Sometimes, it’s about the journey, not the reward.
Music Building Bathrooms
To those who have not yet made the pilgrimage to the fabled music building bathrooms, a new world of luxury awaits you. These bathrooms, located on the outskirts of campus, are the pinnacle of perfection, the acme of accomplishment and the crescendo of creativity. Trek past the swamps of the courtyard bathrooms, cut around the art building, then persuade the trumpet-bearing guards to allow you passage. Ascending the sprawling staircase to these bathrooms feels like marching up a red carpet to your throne against a background of heroic fanfare. Privacy can be rarer than finding a truly humble saxophone player, but the spacious single-stall rooms reward the wanderlust of those who dare enter.
Lavatory Lymrics
Sherwood’s forest:
These bathrooms are hit or miss, though warm like a fire.
Students skip class here, risking the staff’s ire.
They offer no convenience other than familiarity and clean toilets are quite the rarity.
Roll the die: you could face squalor or prosperity.
Gym upstairs:
Locked doors, only the coaches have the key.
After answering questions three, you may enter and pee and indulge in every amenity.
A clean white palace, open space.
It’ll only be you there; you can go at your pace.
Cafeteria bathroom:
With lines out the doors, this crowded bathroom’s conveniences aren’t worth the bore.
Polluted by the masses, best get off to your classes.
On this bathroom, Cheeky passes.
Little theater:
In the oldest bathroom at Inglemoor, there is trash galore, for it is found even on the floor.
Earth Corps swept, the members wept, but in the end the trash was even more.
Locker room bathrooms:
The yellow walls match the smell by which the sultan of stink could be felled.
A stench so strong, it singes your eyes; choosing these toilets, Cheeky wouldn’t advise.
Baseball field bathrooms:
Cramped and far away, going to these small bathrooms is a misplay.
The drab, off-white aesthetic is nowhere near copacetic.
Disclaimer: Cheeky does not endorse breaking and entering as a part of your less-than-seven-minute heroic escapades. We do not assume any responsibility for any noxious fumes inhaled during a bathroom journey.
