Welcome… to Cheeky’s Fortune Telling Emporium!! I must warn you, Friday the 13th may not be the best day for you to have come in for a reading, but if you insist, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
So, how does my emporium work, exactly? Take your birth month. The first three months will get No. 1, the next three months will get 2 (and so on) which will correspond to the tarot card that you’ve drawn, which will then seal your fate.
You may say that this isn’t how a tarot reading works, but I am giving out this reading for free, so I’m not really sure what you expected. Anyway, let’s see what fate has in store for you.
#1 – The Empress (Card III)
Ah, the Empress… a mother, a creator. She could represent the development of an idea yet to be fully formed, or perhaps the need to accept change. There will soon be a dark turn to your life. Perhaps you’ll find yourself surrounded by a pack of wolves, ready to take you in as their youngling. One day you could even become the alpha of the pack! I think that would be a good look on you. Whatever it is, you must accept its inevitable arrival…
#2 – The Fool (Card 0)
The Fool. It brings infinite potential. There is an open path ahead of you for you to write your own story. Like inventing time travel and rewriting history! Or you could become a wizard to summon a giant ogre right below your worst enemy’s house! You could even turn into a giant balloon and fly into the sky. The Fool inspires courage, and you must be willing to take risks for the journey ahead. Maybe it’s time to take up a life in the traveling circus…
#3 – Justice (Card XI)
Justice, an interesting one. Truth, fairness and law. Let this card be a forewarning that soon, judgment day will arrive. Karma, if you will. If you have comitted any bad deeds recently, expect to be brutally crushed by a dozen flaming dump trucks on a sunny afternoon within two to five business days. If you’ve been kind recently, that’ll probably still happen. You may find that unfair, but fate hasn’t forgotten that multidimensional death burp you dealt 10 years ago. That’s life! I don’t make the rules, my friend.
#4 – The Moon (Card XVII)
The Moon. A card of illusion, intuition, confusion, secrets and the subconscious. Let your unconscious intuition guide you through times of trouble… such as being chased by a group of fish people that traveled here from an alternate universe seeking revenge, on you specifically. Why? That’s the beauty of the moon. I must also warn you to be careful: with the moon comes uncertainty. You may find yourself lost. Lost where? How should I know? You’re lost, that’s like, the whole point.
Disclaimer: Cheeky cannot be held responsible for any possible wolf chasing, animal speaking, ogre summoning, time traveling, headache inducing, trauma dumping, ghost whispering, circus performing, multi-verse jumping, etc. related incidents that may or may not occur as a result of this tarot card reading.
