Group project perps

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Dec 12, 2022

Have you or a loved one ever worked on a group project with a pack of lazy, incompetent fools that didn’t do an ounce of their own work? If so, you may be entitled to financial compensation.

Slacking off on group projects is a felony, and if you’ve been the victim of this terrible crime, the fine lawyers here at Cheeky will help bring your good-for-nothing group partners to justice. But before we can sue the pants off of your partners for emotional damage, you need to help us identify the perpetrators. Take a look at this police lineup of all the usual suspects when it comes to rotten group project partners, and point out the ones you recognize. 

Suspect #1: Shameless Shawn

One of the most common partners to find yourself stuck with. Shawn isn’t going to lift a finger, and everyone knows it. Instead, he’s going to do literally anything else with the time your teacher gives you in class to work on your project. He naps, he uses his phone, and you’re pretty sure you even saw him making shadow puppets on the wall with a flashlight once. But it’s a cold day in hell when he actually does his work. 

Suspect #2: Fabio the Faker

This guy won’t do his work either, but he isn’t just going to admit to that. He knows he’s being graded on this, so he’s going to sit around looking busy on his computer and hope his partners don’t notice he’s just playing Tetris. 

Suspect #3: Absent Alison 

From the day the project is assigned to the day you present, this group member is absent. Nobody’s sure where she is. She could’ve gotten sick, gone on vacation, been abducted by aliens, gotten in a horrible accident, or just fallen off the face of the earth, but one thing’s for certain: you’re going to have to do her work for her. 

Suspect #4: Jokey José

This guy likes to call himself a class clown, but no one’s laughing when he wastes class time cracking jokes instead of working. He’s told a thousand one-liners, but he hasn’t written a single word of your assignment. Making his partners laugh makes up for the fact that Joseph isn’t helping with the project. Someone needs to remind this little jokester that this is a high school, not a clown college.

Suspect #5: Lying Lizzie

Lizzie talks the talk, but she can’t walk the walk. She promises she’ll do her work, but she never does. Say what you want about guys like Shawn who don’t do their work, but at least they’re honest about it. People like Lizzie have you rushing to do their work for them two minutes before it’s due because she had you thinking she’d actually get it done herself. 

Disclaimer: We aren’t real lawyers. Shocking, we know. We also lied to you about the whole “not doing your work on a group project being a crime” thing. This is America: you can slack off as much as you want. The point is, we can’t sue your lousy group project partners for you. Sorry.

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About the Contributors
Photo of Hope Rasa (she/her)
Hope Rasa (she/her), Web-Editor-in-Chief

Senior Hope Rasa is back at it again as Web-Editor-in-Chief for her third year here at Nordic News. In her limited spare time, Hope enjoys reading, writing,...

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Violet Brose (they/she), Cheeky Editor

Senior Violet Brose is Cheeky Editor and a second-year reporter. They look forward to watching and being featured in burrito compilations as well as working...

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