When senior Mia Soto’s (she/her)* parents found texts between her and her former partner, she said there was a lot of yelling.
“It was the scariest two weeks of my life because it was something that I didn’t anticipate and it was something that they didn’t expect either,” Soto said. “They’re pretty much in denial. They’re not really supportive of my sexuality, and they just sweep it under the rug because that’s what’s easier for them to do.”
Soto said that after her parents found out she was lesbian, they restricted where and who she went out with. She said that this took a toll on her relationship and that it contributed to the end of her relationship.
Homophobia also impacted senior Maike Hudson’s (she/they)* relationship with her former partner. Hudson said that she and her partner received stares from other people when they held hands, which made Hudson reluctant to display affection in public.
“It did take a toll on the relationship as someone whose love language is physical touch, and I don’t get that just because I can’t do that in public. I can’t do it at her house and also at my house. She wasn’t fully even comfortable doing that around my parents, even though my parents knew we were in a relationship,” Hudson said. “So, it was so rare for us to get that opportunity to just actually love each other.”
There is often an expectation for queer youth to come out to their parents, and this can affect their relationship. This pressure to come out is reinforced by the attitude that others are entitled to information about someone’s sexual orientation and gender identity.
Arthur said there’s a lot of pressure on queer people to come out, even if they aren’t ready to. She said that pressuring people to come out gives the impression that being queer is not normalized.
“For me, I had to come out to myself. That was like my ‘coming-out culture,’” Arthur said. “I am very lucky because a lot of my family accepts who I am.”
Although Soto said she always thought she was lesbian, she first came out as bisexual.
“I think I had internalized homophobia,” Soto said. “ I was pretty scared because no one else in my family ever came out like that.”
Sophomore Tori Van Winkle (she/they) said her parents found out she was pansexual when they looked at her text messages. Although she wasn’t ready to come out to her parents, she said her parents were pretty supportive. Van Winkle said she chose to be openly queer at school.
“If you don’t like the real me, you don’t deserve to have the real me. I don’t want to put up any faces and masks,” Van Winkle said.
When School Technology Specialist Julia Brousseau (she/her) was outed in high school, she said she and her queer friends did not feel accepted because they had to navigate a school culture that was hostile to queer students.
“I actually had to switch schools. I went to Edmonds-Woodway, and when I was outed, I was harassed so badly that I switched to Garfield High School because I couldn’t go to school without being victimized and harassed.”
Brousseau said she appreciates the social progress that has been made since she graduated high school. In 2015, the Supreme Court case Obergefell v. Hodges declared same-sex marriage legal in all 50 states. Washington said that marriage equality not only validates queer love, but also upholds practical civil rights.
“The gravity of a piece of paper is that if I were to go to the hospital, and my wife knows that I don’t want to be kept alive after three days of no progress, the hospital would be making that decision and not my wife,” Washington said.
Senior Rylee Knopf (she/they)* said that equality for people with queer sexual orientations and equality for transgender people are inextricably linked. They said the whole queer community must support transgender rights because this issue is important for the next generation of queer youth.
“We are starting to seriously have trans issues on the ballot, that queer people need to be supporting these measures. So, when we’re talking about gender-affirming care, when we’re talking about school bathrooms, all of these issues, the queer community needs to show up in the way that it shows up for gay marriage,” Knopf said.
Arthur said that being transgender has made her less afraid of confrontation and less ashamed of herself.
“Because I’m trans, there’s a certain aspect of knowing oneself,” Arthur said. “I have kind of interrogated every single part of myself just to be who I am. And so being able to look at myself and know all of that, this kind of helped me move through the world being able to interact with people with more empathy.”
Senior Nathan Hickey (he/they) believes that everyone can empathize and relate to each other across identities and experiences. He said that having even one queer friend can make a difference in a queer person’s sense of belonging. They still tend to question their identity, and when they do, they appreciate that their queer friends can understand this.
“It’s a special kind of problem that I think people can empathize with, but, again, hearing that ‘I’ve been in your situation before,’ is so easy to hear. I’ve never felt the stress off my shoulders [like] when I’ve heard something like that,” Hickey said.
Washington strives to prioritize marginalized students, and this mission is influenced by her experiences as a queer woman of color.
“If you’re queer and you’re questioning, we’re out here and we’re doing things that are changing people’s lives,” Washington said. “There is joy in this world, and I hope that everybody gets to experience it, no matter who you are or what you’re up to, and being a good person is part of that.”
*Names have been changed for anonymity using a random name generator