Cheeky Loner’s Edition

Out of the 54 students surveyed about their love life, over 300 said they would be spending Valentine’s Day alone. When asked what they would be doing instead of sharing love and affection with another person, common responses were “watching paint dry” or “screaming into the void.” Well, good thing for you loners, we here at Cheeky pride ourselves on our absolute sincerity, statistical analysis and most of all, our advice. We’ve assembled our brightest minds to give you these alternative ideas for how to spend your Valentine’s Day.
Cheeky Loners Edition
Date With a Pet
Date With a Pet

On such a special day, you’ve got to go on a date with someone who’s special to you, and who knows you better than your pet? The bond you have with little Mittens compares to no other. You really get each other. Does anyone else in your life wake you up every day by sitting on your stomach and slowly sinking their loving claws into you? Mittens would love to watch the fish in the water under a swan boat, and afterwards you could get a freshly caught salmon dinner for you both to devour, with a side of milk of course.

Give Friends Advice
Give Friends Advice

When you’re out of romantic advice for yourself, why not share your brilliant wisdom with your friends? After all, you’re the true expert on Valentine’s Day! Whether your suggestions are heartfelt or totally outlandish, there’s no doubt that they’ll get a kick out of hearing it. Tell them to take their dates to middle school square dances or to your younger brother’s Dungeons & Dragons session — or maybe something more adventurous, like skydiving on the moon or swimming with sharks! Suggest pick-up lines so cheesy that they might make all of your friends single next Valentine’s Day. Who knows — maybe some of your friends really do need romantic advice this holiday!

Write a Letter to Future You
Write a Letter to Future You

You’ve officially hit romantic rock bottom. But…what if you could be the love of your own life? You can do this in three simple and quick steps. 1) Write yourself a love letter. Pour your lonely little heart into a paper from the back of your math notebook, then seal it up and address it to yourself. 2) Hide the letter. You shouldn’t be able to find it until 20-30 years from now, when your memory of it has completely left your love-ridden brain. There are so many ways you could hide it; you could put it in a remote lock box, with the key hidden at the end of a string of clues and treasure maps, or it could go to the bottom of the drawer you never open. Either way, it’ll probably take you a couple of decades to find it. 3) Rediscover the letter. Be it stuck to the bottom of that old dresser, or hidden at the end of an Indiana-Jones-esque adventure, you’ll find it one day. Woah, what is this, a love letter with your name on it, with no signature? This is completely useless! At least you can go to bed knowing that someone out there loves you, a worthy reward for all of the cleaning and/or adventuring you did.

Wallow In Despair
Wallow In Despair

Oh well. Sometimes, there’s nothing else you can do on Valentine’s Day. Everyone you know is following your amazing romantic advice and spending Valentine’s Day out, and even your cat just wants to stay friends. There must be something you can do on this special day. Sabotage your friends’ relationships so that they can commiserate about being single with you? Tell shockingly fake stories about your love life until everyone is jealous of you? Of course, nothing beats the tried-and-true practice of eating chocolate truffles from the box, watching the top 10 cheesiest rom-coms and crying into your pillow. Treat yourself to all the classic Valentine’s Day candy! Annoy your cat so much with your lovelorn sobbing that he won’t even want to be your friend! While this suggestion may seem bleak, don’t lose hope: next year will be your year!

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About the Contributors
Junior Crayson Mavrinac is starting his first year on the Nordic News staff as a reporter. Outside of school he is a part of the National Honor Society and is interested in computer science. He strives to provide excellent quality articles that keep students updated on school and world news. He loves playing video games, listening to music and hanging out with his friends and his cat. He hopes to write articles that make people laugh, or at least make their day better.
Junior Piper Kinsey is beginning her first year on the Nordic staff as a reporter, and hopes to use this opportunity to learn more about the skills needed for meaningful journalism, share ideas, and work together with peers. In her free time, she loves spending time with her family and friends, baking overly decorated cookies, and drawing.

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