It’s that stressful time of year again! Get ready to doom-scroll the weather forecast looking for snow that’ll never come. And what better way to celebrate with your friends and family than with a white elephant gift exchange? We know you’re struggling to come up with gift ideas though, so instead of getting ideas from ChatGPT like your unfinished history essay is due next period, we at Cheeky have curated a list of hilarious, low-cost and low-effort gifts perfect for your next white elephant exchange.
Your old school Chromebook
They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. That may be true, but we’d be concerned for anyone who finds enjoyment in a clunky, stained laptop that can barely load Schoology without crashing. We’ve heard the battery runs out faster than you can say “budget cuts,” especially after you had to buy it after cracking the screen. But who are we to judge? Maybe the recipient will use it as a home decoration or just leave it to eat dust on their bookshelves. Bonus points if the Chromebook still has blue tape with your name in chicken-scratch Sharpie on the cover.
College spam letters
Need some fuel for the fireplace? Oregon’s Institute of Culinary Experiences’ expensive pamphlet paper is here to help! Make sure to print out every single college email you’ve ever gotten and throw in a few copies of “The Bean Trees” from the backyard dumpster for good measure. And don’t worry if you accidentally gift something important-looking — I’m sure they would never send you anything critical via snail mail.
Stolen bathroom pass
Perfect for anyone who wants to skip school but doesn’t quite have the guts to. But we know what you’re thinking: “I touched all those passes without washing my hands! Wouldn’t I just become bacteria central?” Never fear! Sharing is caring, especially when it comes to germs. Your recipient would be even more elated if you snatch one with a lanyard so they can proudly display it to all their teachers.
The entire lost-and-found cart
Can’t find what you’re looking for at Viking Village? Need something for the whole family? Know someone who loves abandoned jackets and unwashed water bottles? There’s always time to wheel in the lost-and-found cart full of other people’s personal possessions. After all, finders keepers! Rest assured, this is the best gift for any white elephant occasion — can you believe that some people would literally pay for the same thing?
Cafeteria craisins
Two years ago, Cheeky received an anonymous confession from someone who said they actually eat the cafeteria craisins. This gift is for them! However, we’re pretty sure they went missing shortly after writing that, so your results may vary.
For maximum effect, dump the craisins directly into the wrapping paper so they fall on the floor when the recipient opens it. You’ve successfully captured the spirit of white elephant — everyone gets a laugh and your wallet is just as thin as before.
Disclaimer: Cheeky does not actually condone spreading germs, stealing other people’s personal possessions, or snatching district-owned property. We wouldn’t condone eating the craisins either, but to each their own!
